We just can't live without you
by eva.chrisovitsanousweety
Summary: How some of the staff and the family will react when they find out that Elsie may be dying? What will Elsie do with her life now? My version of the health scary of Elsie Hughes. Elsie & Charles, Anna & John, Sybil & Tom, Beryl, Cora & Robert and maybe Isobel.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: The beginning

_**A/N: Downton Abbey and the characters aren't mine, they belong to J. Fellowes. I just love to write stories with my favorites characters. I'm sorry for my English, it's not my first language so it's a bit difficult for me. This story is my version of what would have happened with the scary health problem that had Elsie during episodes 2 & 3 of Series 3.**_

Early in the morning Elsie and Anna took the train to London. They had to clean and search if they could find something in the house that could help John get free. They had to stay at least one day more. Elsie needed to get free from her corset. As she got it off she found something strange on her breast that scared her very much. She couldn't sleep at all, thoughts and possible plans of what her future would be occupied her mind and didn't let her sleep.

The next morning when Anna woke up, she found Elsie sitting in a chair with red eyes looking lost in time. Immediately she knew that something was wrong with the housekeeper and she was by her side in an instant.

"Mrs. Hughes, are you all right?", she placed her hand on the older woman's arm.

Elsie was brought in reality not by the question but by the hand that was placed on her arm. She turned to face the young woman who was looking her with concern and confusion. She started crying again and after she had calmed a little, she told Anna about her discovery. Anna tried to hide her tears and hugged the older woman trying to comfort her and tell her that she was there for her.

After they had breakfast and dressed up, the two women went to a hospital so that the housekeeper could get a check. The doctor wanted to do some tests but Elsie didn't allow it. She wanted to go back to Downton and have doctor Clarkson. The doctor respected her decision and told her that he would inform doctor Clarkson about her case.

They went back to the house to continue the cleaning. Elsie tried not to think about that until she would go to see doctor Clarkson at Downton in a few days. They had to get back to Downton this evening so they tried to finish cleaning.

The way back to Downton was silent.

Elsie was deep lost in her thoughts trying not to break down once more in front of Anna. She came to work at Downton as housemaid almost thirty-five years ago. After a year she was promoted to head housemaid and the housekeeper started teaching her to be her replacement when she decided to retire. She was working almost eight years at Downton when she became the new housekeeper and sat on the right side of the butler, Mr. Carson. Since the moment Anna came to Downton, Elsie had a very special feeling for her. Especially after she lost her parents, they came more close and had a relationship of mother and daughter. Anna was the daughter she never had. Thoughts and questions were occupying her mind. What will happen if this is something serious? What will happen if I have breast cancer? What will happen if I am dying? She tried very hard to keep her tears back.

Anna was deep lost in her own thoughts. She came to work at Downton as a housemaid when she was only sixteen years old. She had to work because her mother was ill and they needed the many for a medication which was expensive. She was eighteen when she lost her mother and only a year later she lost her father. Elsie had taken her under her care and was there for her when she needed someone to talk to, to hold her and comfort her. The two of them had a relationship of mother and daughter and that was respected from everyone. Anna is so fond of the older woman and admits that the household would fall without her or Mr. Carson. Now the woman she loved so much as her mother and threw all these years was there for her, had a health problem. Thoughts and questions occupied her mind. What will happen if this is something serious? What will happen if Mrs. Hughes has breast cancer? What will happen if Mrs. Hughes is dying? The last question was so scary for her, that she couldn't hide her tears and start crying.

Elsie was brought back in reality when she heard Anna crying. She sat next to the young woman and embraced her. Anna buried her face in the older woman's chest and continued crying until she was asleep. This was a chance that Elsie had to hold her… daughter in her arms without someone disturbing them. She thought what her life would be if she had married Joe thirty-five years ago. She would be working in the farm and raising their kids. She didn't want to follow this life, to be a farmer's wife because she already knew this life and hated it. She was holding a young woman in her arms and realized how much she wanted to have a child of her own.

Anna woke up when the man announced that the train would be at Downton in fifteen minutes. She looked the housekeeper who was looking her with a sad smile and so much love.

"Anna, I want to ask you something.", she took hold of Anna's left hand.

"Of course, Mrs. Hughes.", she smiled sadly at the older woman.

"I don't want you to tell anyone about my health problem. In a few days I will go to see doctor Clarkson and he will tell me if everything is all right or… not. I would appreciate it if you didn't tell anything to anyone, not even to your husband.", she squeezed Anna's hand.

"Of course, Mrs. Hughes. I respect your decision and I won't say anything to anyone.", she looked their hands and back up again. "Mrs. Hughes, I want you to know that I love you and I respect you very much. Since I came to Downton and especially since I lost my parents you became a second mother to me. You were always there for me when I needed to talk to someone, to be held. Thank you, Mrs. Hughes.", some tears fall from her eyes as she hugged the older woman.

The man announced the arrival at Downton Abbey. The two women came out of the train and found the chauffeur waiting for them.

"Mr. Carson sent me to pick you up. Do you want any help?", the chauffeur asked them.

"No, thank you Albert. We just need to go home to get some rest.", said Elsie and followed the chauffeur.

Anna was holding Elsie's hand until they arrived at the back door. After they gave a smile to each other, they took a deep breath and went inside to start again their daily life.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Worry

_**A/N: I hope you like my new story. Sorry for my English. At this chapter Elsie tells Beryl and Anna tells John.**_

After they arrived at Downton from London, Elsie found out that she had a lot to do for the wedding of Mary and Matthew coming next week. This made her to leave for after the wedding the visit to doctor about her health and she tried to focus on everything but her health. She tried to hide from everyone her fear and everything seemed to work normal.

Since the night in London when she found that thing on her breast, she wasn't eating and resting properly and was working more than was necessary. Anna knew that the housekeeper was scared but didn't show it to anyone.

Mary and Matthew arrived from their honeymoon. Martha was still at Downton waiting for the return of her granddaughter. Beryl Patmore prepared something special for the new married couple. Elsie had excused herself from luncheon because she had paper work, but in reality she needed time for herself. She started crying when she remembered her past when she was a little girl and was happy with her parents and her sister.

The family had finished their dinner. After she had helped upstairs with the cleaning up, she went downstairs and asked the cook to follow her in the sitting room. Beryl had seen the weird behavior of the housekeeper since she returned from London with Anna. She understood why when Elsie showed her and saw how worried she was. Beryl tried to be strong and reassured her that she would be by her side.

The next morning Elsie missed breakfast and went straight to her sitting room. After the family had finished their breakfast she heard a knock on her door. She wiped her tears with her hands before she went to open the door. The cook knew that the woman in front of her was crying the minute she saw her red eyes.

"The family finished their breakfast. Daisy and the girls will be fine without me for a couple of hours. Are you ready to go?", she asked and placed her hand on Elsie's arm.

Elsie looked the older woman sadly before answering. "I'm not ready but I can't continue like this. I have to find if I'm…", she put her hand to her mouth to stop a sob from escaping.

"Don't say it, Mrs. Hughes. You don't know anything until the doctor has examined you. I won't leave you alone if you don't want to.", she squeezed her hand.

The two women went on their way to the hospital. As they were walking, Elsie was so scared and tried to hide her tears. She couldn't break down, not here, not now and not in front of Beryl.

The way back to the house was silent. Beryl didn't dare to tell anything to Elsie, who was lost in her thoughts. She was more scared than before, she wanted all this to end but she needed to have some tests to know what was happening.

She didn't say anything to anyone and went to her sitting room to be alone. She closed and locked the door, something that was very unusual for her, but she wanted to be alone. She put her coat, hat and gloves away and sank on her armchair. In an instant her two hands were covering her face and started crying.

Anna saw the state that the housekeeper was when she came inside and rushed to her sitting room. She went straight to the kitchen and asked the cook to speak her for a moment.

"How is she? What the doctor said?", she asked the older woman.

Beryl was confused and surprised by the question of Anna. "How did you know?", she asked her trying to understand.

"She discovered that thing on her breast when we were at London. I went with her at the hospital but when the doctor said that he needed to do some tests, she refused to do them and said she wanted doctor Clarkson to do them. Mrs. Patmore, I love and I care for her as my mother. What the doctor said?", she tried to keep her tears back.

"She will go in two days. He will do a little surgery to take some fluid from there and then we will see what will happen. She doesn't eat and rest properly and works more than the necessary. We have to do something, Anna.", said the cook worried.

"We can't, Mrs. Patmore. She won't let us do anything. She has learned to keep everything to herself. I'm afraid that the whole situation will kill her in some way.", some tears escaped from her eyes.

The two women stood there for a few moments silent and then they went back to their work.

John Bates knew that something was bothering his wife. The last three times she came to see him she was so silent and sad. He didn't want to pressure her, but he wanted to know what was happening. Today she would come to see him and he would ask her.

He saw her sitting lost in her thoughts and sad. He kissed her on the cheek and when he sat he took hold of her hand.

"What's the matter, love? I know that something is bothering you but I didn't want to pressure you. I can't stand to see you like this. Please, tell me what's wrong.", he looked her with concern.

She knew that she couldn't hide it anymore from him and decided that it was time to tell him. "It's nothing to do with me. It's… Mrs. Hughes.", she tried to hide her tears.

"What do you mean? What's wrong with Mrs. Hughes?", he was more worried now, because he understood that something was wrong with the housekeeper and that affected his wife.

"When we went to London, we had to stay there a night. That night she found something on her… breast. The next morning we went to the hospital, but she refused to do the tests because she wanted doctor Clarkson to do them. Yesterday morning she went to see doctor Clarkson and Mrs. Patmore went with her. John… she may be dying.", the tears were falling from her eyes.

"Yes, but we don't know that.", he tried to comfort her.

"She is a… mother to me, John. I don't want to lose her. Mrs. Patmore is worried about her because she doesn't eat and rest properly and works more than the necessary. I'm so afraid, John.", she let the tears fall.

"I know that you are, my love. Please, try not to think the worst. She may not be dying. You need to rest, Anna. Go home and try to sleep for a while. You won't do any good to Mrs. Hughes if you get yourself sick. She loves you as a daughter and she will blame herself if you get sick.", he squeezed her hand and smiled at her sadly.

Beryl Patmore sat on her bed dressed with her nightdress. She was working at Downton for forty years. She started as a kitchen maid and for the past thirty years she is the cook of Downton Abbey. She knew very well both Charles Carson and Elsie Hughes. She had her arguments with Elsie, but she was a little fond of her. She had escaped from a life to work somewhere else and be independent. She loved the housekeeper as a sister and a friend.

Downton Abbey would not be the same if Elsie dies. She won't be the same if Elsie dies. No one will be the same if Elsie dies. She had gotten used to their arguments, to their weird friendship. She couldn't cry in front of the housekeeper because she had to be strong for her and be at her side. All this was getting too much for her. In the safety of her room Beryl Patmore, the cook of Downton Abbey, cried from worry, fear and concern about her friend.

_**What do you think so far? Please review.**_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Something's wrong.

_**A/N: I hope you like it. A long chapter this time. In this chapter Charles finds out the truth and a secret comes out.**_

She was sitting on her bed with her nightdress on. She had to get dressed to go at the hospital. Doctor Clarkson would do the little surgery to take some fluid from her breast. The worry, the fear and the tears didn't let her sleep at all.

Slowly she stood up, walked to her wardrobe and took her blue skirt and beige blouse. She was dressed after twenty minutes, usually she was ready in five minutes but today she could take things slowly with no hurry and so she did. She brushed her hair and then with slow movements pin it up as usual. She went downstairs without making any noise to wake someone. Inside her sitting room with locked door she sank in her armchair and cried silently.

Half an hour later the staff was up and about. They had their breakfast and soon the bells start ringing. She heard carefully the footsteps and when she was sure that Charles had gone upstairs, she left her sitting room and went on her way to the hospital without being seen. She didn't like going alone but she didn't want Beryl to go with her.

She arrived at the hospital. The nurse told her to wait a little because the doctor had a very important call. Ten minutes later, it felt like hours for her, she went to see the doctor. He explained what he would do and only when she was ready, he told the nurse to help her get ready.

Anna couldn't find the housekeeper anywhere and she was getting rather worried about her. She was ready to go to inform Lord and Lady Grantham when the cook's hand stopped her.

"The surgery.", Beryl said and looked worried.

"What? What surgery?", she asked confused.

"Keep your voice low, Anna. Today it was the appointment with Elsie, so doctor Clarkson could do a little surgery to take some fluid from… her breast.", she said in a low voice so no one else could hear them.

"Oh my God! Why she didn't tell us something? I would have gone with her.", she tried to keep away her tears.

"She wanted to face this alone. I hope everything is all right with her.", the cook said with concern in her voice and face.

They heard the phone ringing, then Charles was hurrying from the servants hall to answer it. They were lost in thought when they heard Charles' voice very near and almost jumped when they saw him.

"I'm sorry! Mrs. Patmore someone is asking you on the phone.", he said looking confused and surprised.

"Thank you, Mr. Carson.", she said and went to the pantry. Charles went upstairs to check on the family.

Anna stood there thinking when a very worried cook run to her. "Anna, you have to come with me right now.", she said and took hold of Anna's arm to steady herself.

"What happened?", she was worried and confused.

"I'll tell you as we walk to the hospital. Get your things and meet me in five minutes in the back door. Quickly, Anna.", Beryl said and rushed to get her things and get ready.

Five minutes later the two women were walking to the hospital. Neither had understood what exactly had happened with the housekeeper but they knew that it was something serious.

Charles didn't know what to do. The housekeeper had disappeared from the morning and now the cook and the head housemaid had disappeared as well. A few minutes later he heard the back door and stood up from his desk to see who had come back. He was surprised to see Beryl and Anna holding an unconscious Elsie between them.

"Mr. Carson would you help us get her to her room?", Beryl's question brought him back to reality.

"Yes, of course. I will take her and you can go first upstairs.", he said as he took Elsie in his arms.

Beryl and Anna went first upstairs to get the room ready when after a few minutes Charles entered with the housekeeper in his arms. He put her slowly on the bed and took a step back.

"Now will you explain me what is happening with Mrs. Hughes? Why she is in this state?", he asked upset and worried.

"I'll come to speak to you after I have finished here, Mr. Carson.", said Beryl as she took off Elsie's coat and shoes.

"NO! You will tell me now what's wrong with my wife!", his raised voice took both women by surprise, especially Anna who didn't know that the butler and the housekeeper were married.

"Charles Carson, don't you dare raise your voice to me. Go downstairs to your pantry to calm yourself and when we are finished here, we will come down to explain everything we can. Are we agreed?", she said in a little raised voice and stared the man in front of her.

Charles didn't say anything. He just nodded and went silently to his pantry waiting for the two women to know what was happening with his wife. He had seen her behaving weird lately but he didn't say anything because he didn't have a right anymore.

Charles Carson, Beryl Patmore and Anna Bates were sitting in the butler's pantry. Anna was very confused but didn't ask anything about the marriage because now the only thing important was the health of the housekeeper of Downton Abbey, Elsie Hughes-Carson.

"So, will you please explain me what is happening with my wife?", he asked in a more calmed voice but still worried.

Anna was the one who should start first. "The night we stayed at London, Mrs. Hughes… I'm sorry, Mrs. Carson, found something strange on her breast. So, the next morning we went to a hospital to see a doctor. He wanted to do some tests but she refused because she wanted doctor Clarkson to do them. She was so scared… She is so scared.", she said trying to keep away her tears.

It was Beryl's time to speak. "The night Lady Mary and Mr. Crawly arrived from their honeymoon, Elsie wanted to speak with me. She showed me the… and she asked me to go with her to see doctor Clarkson next morning. He told her to come in a few days, so that he could do a little surgery to take some fluid from… there to examine it. She went all alone this morning. It was doctor Clarkson who phoned and asked me to go there with someone, so I took Anna with me." She paused and looked Charles who was hearing silent with tears in his eyes. She took a deep breath and continued. "Charles, when he did the little surgery something went wrong and she had a little hemorrhage which they managed to stop. She needs to rest. She hasn't been eating properly and the lack of rest is the cause of the loss of weight. You are the only one who can help her. She needs you, Charles.", she looked him.

Charles was so confused, so angry with Elsie and so worried because he might lose her. He stayed silent for a few moments. "Why she didn't tell me, Beryl? I'm her husband.", he tried not to break down.

"Yes, I know that but you are husband and wife only in the paper for the last twenty years, Charles. She didn't want to tell you anything because she loves you and didn't want you to be hurt. She is hurting herself and you. You are the only one who can help her and she needs you. I can see it in her eyes.", Beryl said as she took hold of his hand and squeezed it.

"What should I do, then?", he asked with teary eyes.

"You should go to her. She needs you and you must be with her through all of this.", it was Anna who answered. "Go to her, Mr. Carson. Please, don't waste any more time. You love each other more than you can think and with this behavior you are hurting each other. Go to her and don't worry about the household. We can manage at least for today without the two of you.", she said as some tears escaped from her eyes.

In any other situation Anna would lose her job for talking like that to someone older than her who was her superior, but now Charles was thankful about that. He stood up, hugged her, kissed her cheek and went upstairs. Anna gained a look from the cook.

"Well done, Anna. No one else, except Elsie, had spoken this way to Charles Carson. I'm very pleased, Anna. Come on now, we have a household to keep up.", the cook squeezed Anna's hand and they went to their works.

_**Next chapter a lovely scene between Charles and Elsie. Your reviews are very welcome.**_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Love

_**A/N: I'm sorry for the delay but real life can be rough and is getting my energy. Sometimes when I'm tired the inspiration hits me but sometimes it doesn't. The ideas were in a chaos in my mind and I had to put them in an order to be able to write this chapter and the chapters that will follow next. I'm sorry for my English, if you see some mistakes please forgive me. This will be a long chapter so I can make it up for you. **_

She had taken a week off to recover and regain her strength. Charles had informed the family and the staff that the housekeeper was ill with a flu and Anna would replace her until she comes back to work. Elsie didn't argue with anyone, she hadn't anymore the strength to argue with Beryl, Charles or even Anna. She had to recover soon to be able to work again because she needed to work to think everything but this.

**-00-**

She had to go to the hospital to learn the results from the little surgery she had. She didn't want to go alone, so she asked Charles with a heavy heart to go with her. He had to hide his fear and worry because he needed to stay strong for her. She needed him more than ever and he would be at her side all through this.

She got dressed and went to her sitting room to wait him. He was scared but when he saw her he smiled to her. He was glad when she smiled back to him but he could see the fear, the worry, the sadness and the hurt in her eyes which hurt him even more. He hated to see her like this.

"Shall we go, love?", he said and kissed her. As they walked he offered her his arm to steady and to comfort her. As they say the hospital, she stopped and the tears began to fall from her eyes. He didn't care where they were, who would see them. He put his arms around her and held her tightly to him trying to calm her.

After a few minutes they pulled back from this embrace. He kissed her on the cheek, took her hand and gave it a little squeeze. She smiled to him and headed to enter to the hospital. She was scared and nervous but she had her husband with her to hold her, to comfort her.

**-00-**

Beryl was very nervous from the time she woke up. She was worried about her friend. Poor Daisy and the other girls had to support the nerves of the cook and do as they were told. She was thinking about the possible plans while she was cutting something and managed to cut herself. Daisy took over what she was doing while a kitchen maid helped her clean the cut and calm herself. She heard the back door and saw Elsie heading in a rush to her sitting room and shutting the door. Charles stopped outside the sitting room and looked the cook. Beryl understood that something happened with the results and followed Charles to his pantry.

"What happened, Charles? Why she was in this state?", she was more worried about Elsie now.

"The fluid from the cyst wasn't clear as the doctor expected it.", he tried to hold back his tears.

"So, what will happen now?", she asked rather worried.

"He had sent it for analysis. It will take two months for the results. She has to take it easy, though. I want to help her but I don't know how.", he said as a tear escaped from his eye.

"Charles, you will help her by being to her side. I'm sure Anna will help with the work. Between you and Anna you can help her. You have to talk to his Lordship and her Ladyship. They have to know about her condition and that you are married. I don't think that they will fire you, so don't worry and go speak with them. I will keep an eye on her until you come down.", she said as she gave his hand a squeeze and went to her kitchen.

**-00-**

Elsie had to take it easy now and she needed to rest. With this thought Charles left his pantry and went upstairs in search of Lord and Lady Grantham. He found them at the library. Robert was doing some paperwork and Cora was reading a book. "I'm sorry to disturb you but I need to speak with you.", he said and moved a little forward.

"Of course, Carson. What is it about?", asked Robert worried.

"It's about Mrs. Hughes and me.", he said and took a deep breath. As he was telling them about him and Elsie and her condition now, he was watching them to see the expressions on their faces.

At first Robert and Cora were surprised to know that the butler and the housekeeper were married nearly thirty-four years but then they understood the behavior the couple had all these years. Many times he and Cora had joked about the butler and the housekeeper being secretly married because of their behavior but they didn't expect to be true. Cora understood the weird behavior Elsie had the last few weeks and thought how Charles must feel about this and how Robert would feel if the same happened to her.

"Carson, don't worry about yours jobs because you won't lose them. You are both high valued and needed in this house that we couldn't afford having another butler and housekeeper yet.", Robert said trying to calm the nerves Charles had.

"Carson, don't waste anymore time in heart breaking. I can see how much she needs you. Don't worry about the work. I will speak with Anna and we will sort out everything and we will inform you. You and Mrs. Carson have the rest of the day off. Go to her and spend some time together because you both need that.", Cora said and smiled sadly to Charles. He made his excuses and left the library.

Robert turned to see his wife with her head on her hands crying. He stood up from his chair and sat beside her. He took her in his arms and rubbed circles on her back to calm her. After a few minutes she stopped crying but didn't want to leave from her husband's arms.

"Oh Robert. I can't imagine what Mrs. Carson must going through right now. That's why she was looking lost in her thoughts every time I saw her. She is so scared, Robert.", she said as new tears made their way through her eyes. Robert didn't know what to say about the whole situation. He imagined how Charles must be feeling about this and how he would feel if something was happening or happened to his darling wife who loved very much.

**-00-**

Sybil had noticed that something was bothering the housekeeper because she had seen her two times crying alone in a corner of the house. She hadn't said anything to her because she didn't want to pressure her. She had seen Charles going in the library very determined and decided to wait to see what was happening.

Almost twenty minutes had passed when the library door opened and Charles left. She hid behind the stairs so Charles couldn't see her and when she was sure that he had left, she went to the library to speak with her parents. She found her father holding her mother who was crying and trying to calm her. She stood there a few minutes and then cleared her throat to announce her presence in the room. Cora wiped her tears with her handkerchief while Robert held back his tears.

"Would you like to tell me what is happening? I've noticed that something is not right with Mrs. Hughes and I saw Carson very determined entering here. Mama, what is happening?", she asked worried about the two heads of the staff.

"Sybil, darling, please take a sit. We have to tell you something really really sad.", Robert said as he took hold of Cora's hand.

She was hearing with attention what her parents was telling her. She tried to hold back her tears but found out that she couldn't. She buried her face in her hands and started crying. Cora was at her side in an instant rubbing circles on her back to calm her down. She could see how much sad and worried her daughter was about the housekeeper. Through the years Elsie and Sybil had become close to each other, especially after Elsie's recovery from an illness.

**-00-**

Charles went downstairs to check if everything was alright but found Beryl and Anna reassuring him that everything was under control. He left calmed and went upstairs to the servants quartets. He knocked one time on Elsie's door and entered. He found her curled up on her bed with her face down crying.

_Charles went to his pantry followed by Beryl. She had closed and locked her sitting room door. She didn't want anyone to disturb her even her husband. After putting her coat, hat and bag on the self she sank into her armchair. _

'_What I am going to do? Oh my God, I'm so scared.', she thought and buried her face in her hands and cried. She had calmed a little when she remembered the face of Charles when the doctor told them about the result of the test. He was trying to be strong for her but she could see the worry, the fear and the hurt in his eyes. This memory brought back the tears. _

_After a while she heard Charles going upstairs. She went to the kitchen and informed Beryl that she was going to her room for a rest. She didn't rush to get to her room but she was slow and tried to keep back her tears and sobs. She couldn't break here, she needed to go to her room where she could be alone and no one would disturb her for a while. _

_She entered her room and closed the door. The corset wasn't letting her breath, she felt like someone was struggling her. In less than five minutes she had taken off her dress and corset and wore her nightdress. She didn't have the strength to pull out the pins of her hair and she didn't bother to do it. She sat on her bed in the corner, pulled her legs close to her chest, buried her face and started crying once more but now she wouldn't have to keep back the sobs. She wouldn't have to keep back the fear, the worry, the hurt that she was feeling with these._

He walked to stand next to her bed. He took off his waistcoat and his shoes. He made sure that he was comfortable enough and then sat on the bed next to her. He put his arm around her shoulders so he could be able to hold her in his arms. She didn't pull away but buried her face in his chest while her arms were around him and continued crying.

They didn't say anything because they didn't need to speak. He just let her cry in his arms while he rubbed her back to calm her and to comfort her. She needed him so much. She needed him to hold her in his arms, to comfort her and to calm her.

She cried until she was asleep in her husband's arms. Charles made slow moves to not disturb her so that they were comfortable. They hadn't been like this for the last twenty years and now she may be dying. _Oh how many years we missed because of us, Elsie. _He remembered the day he proposed to her and the day they marred. These two days were from his happiest days of his life. He remembered their happy days together while he was drifting off.

**-00-**

An hour ago Elsie opened her eyes and found herself in the arms of her husband and he was looking her with so much love and fear. The tears made their appearance and she couldn't do anything to keep them from falling.

Charles wiped with his hand her tears. "Please don't cry, Elsie. You know how much I hate to see you like this. It breaks my heart.", his hand touched her cheek which was wet from her tears.

"I can't stop it, Charles. In your eyes I can see how much you love me but I also see the fear and the hurt that I've caused you with my health problem. That's why I didn't want to tell you anything.", she said as tears kept falling.

"Elsie, please tell me what you need. Tell me what I can do for you to take away the fear, the hurt at least for a while.", he said to her while he held her tightly.

"I want to feel alive, Charles. I want you to love me as you loved me twenty years ago. Please, Charles!", she said and kissed him on the lips.

"As you wish, Mrs. Carson. It is my pleasure to do anything that will make you happy at least for a while.", he said as he kissed her back but this time more passionately.

They could see the desire of each other. With one movement he was on top of her. He trailed kisses to her lips, to her cheek, to her jaw, to her marvelous neck. He stopped and looked her in the eyes. She helped him take off their clothes. Now he trailed kisses and touched her marvelous breast but he was careful with her breast where was the scar from the surgery doctor Clarkson did days ago.

The desire was high now because they hadn't done this for so long and they could see the mistake they did. Her hands moved on his back and through his hair as he kissed and touched her body. "Charles, please…", she looked him with pleading eyes.

He looked her eyes and he saw that she was ready to do this again after all these years. Slowly he entered her afraid of hurting her. Together they set a slow, steady and heated rhythm. All the while he planned kissed to her lips, to her neck and to her breasts. Her hands were on his back, through his hair and moving.

The release came for both at the same time while they stayed there for a few moments to catch their breath and to make sure that this was happening for real. He lied on his side as he drew her close to him. "Is that what you needed, Elsie?", he asked as he kissed her hair.

"Oh yes. I needed to feel alive in the way that only you could make it happen. Oh Charles, I love you so much. We hurt each other and we waste twenty years without having this, without being able to sleep together and hold each other.", she said as some tears escaped.

"Don't think about that anymore, love. I spoke with Lord and Lady Grantham before I came here to see you.", he said a little worried about her reaction.

She turned to face him. "What? Why you did it, Charles? You can't leave the family after all these years.", she said and started crying.

He understood what she meant and kissed her before speaking. "You don't have to worry, Elsie. They won't fire us. They said that we are high valued and needed here and they couldn't afford losing us. At first they were surprised but they were happy for us. We will stay here as a married and deeply in love couple.", he kissed her passionately and saw her smile.

They stayed there holding and kissing each other until they were asleep with one less worry about their future. Tomorrow they will speak to the rest of the staff about their marriage and they will have Beryl and Anna to support them. For now, they needed this night of privacy and intimacy.

_**Your reviews are very welcome as always.**_


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: The Letter

_**A/N: From now on one chapter a week. Real life is getting my energy and I'm tired which means that I take a while to write a chapter that I'm content about it. Here you have chapter 5. I hope you like it. Downton Abbey and the characters belong to J. Fellowes, I just enjoy writing stories with them. I'm sorry for my English.**_

She hadn't been able to sleep well or at all since the night she found that… thing on her breast. The fear and the worry about what would be her future weren't letting her rest. She wasn't eating properly which was the cause of her loss of weight.

This was getting too much for her. She couldn't stand seeing the hurt, the worry and the sadness in their eyes. Charles, Beryl and Anna had been at her side comforting her. Sybil had been so sad when she went to speak with her a week ago.

_Sybil had been very sad when her parents told her about the health problem of the housekeeper. She loved her like a second mother. She remembered when she was a little girl she used to go downstairs to her sitting room, especially when she had a problem. Elsie would hug her, kiss her, play with her, give her some hot cocoa and biscuits. _

_One day Cora wanted to see her in the library. Elsie was afraid that something happened and Cora would shout at her or worse she could lose her job. When she entered the library she saw her sitting on the sofa looking lost in her thoughts. She took a deep breath and cleared her throat to announce her presence. _

"_Mrs. Hughes you came. Thank you so much. Please take a sit.", she said to the housekeeper._

_Elsie sat so that she could be face to face with Cora. "M'lady, if something happened with one of the housemaids I can assure you that it won't happen again.", she said a little worried._

"_No, Mrs. Hughes. It's not about the household I want to talk to you. It's about Lady Sybil.", she said looking her with an upset look._

"_Oh! I'm so sorry, m'lady. She keeps coming downstairs to see me and I know that it's not right. I will tell her the next time that she can't come anymore.", she said trying to hide the sadness from her voice._

"_No! I wouldn't want you to do that. When I first learnt that Sybil was coming to you for a visit or if she had a problem I was upset, angry and jealous. I couldn't understand why my daughter wouldn't come to me if she had a problem. Yesterday I spoke with her and she told me how you have resolved every problem she had, how you take care of her every time she comes downstairs and how she loves you. Mrs. Hughes I would like to thank you. I know that I'm not the best mother and I want to have a good relationship with my daughters but I'm glad that Sybil can come to you when she has a problem and she doesn't want me.", she said with a little sadness to her voice._

_Elsie understood perfectly what Cora meant and wanted but also she was glad that she allowed the girl to come to see her. "M'lady I can assure you that the next time she comes downstairs I will speak to her about coming to you as well and how good will be if she creates a better relationship with you. I love her very much and I wouldn't want to see her sad.", she said offering a smile to the woman in front of her._

"_Thank you, Mrs. Hughes. I appreciate that very much. Please, don't stop loving her and reassuring that she can come to see you whenever she wants. I can see how much she loves you. I wouldn't want to see her sad, as well. Thank you again, Mrs. Hughes for being there for her.", she smiled at the housekeeper._

_Elsie was brought in reality by a knock on her door. She could recognize this knock everywhere and she told the person to come in. The door opened and a crying Sybil appeared in front of her. She closed the door and run in the arms of the housekeeper. Elsie let her cry in her arms as she was rubbing circles on her back to calm her._

"_Mrs. Hughes, I know everything. Papa and Mama told me about you and Mr. Carson. They also told me about your health. I want you to know that if you have… if you are ill I will help you as much as I can. I can assure you of that. You took great care of me when I was a little girl and I came to you crying. Now, it will be my turn to take care of you.", she said and let her tears fall._

"_I know that, my darling girl. You don't have to take care of me if I am ill, you have this baby to take care.", she said and put her hand on the baby bump of Sybil._

_The two women sat there speaking and remembering the past. They even made plans for the baby when it arrives. Elsie was glad to see the smile back on the face of the young woman who loved like her daughter. Elsie Hughes had two daughters in this house, her first one Anna who was like her in many ways and her little one Sybil who was a very living soul._

**-00-**

With slow moves she headed upstairs to the servants quartets to her room, all of this was getting all her energy and strength which caused her to move slowly than before. After closing and locking the door, she took her suitcase from under the bed and put it on it. She looked all over her room to see what she would take with her. She moved to her wardrobe. All her clothes and things were inside the suitcase. She had finished packing and sat on her bed crying. She went to her desk, sat down and wrote a letter to Charles. After this, she put on her hat, coat and gloves, took her things and went downstairs without disturbing anyone.

**-00-**

Charles was upstairs setting some things with Robert when he felt something on his chest. He went to his pantry feeling very tired. The fear of losing his wife, the love of his life, was getting his energy. He was about to go to the wine cellar to do some work when he noticed the envelope on his desk. He recognized her handwriting in an instant and was surprised. He took it in his hand and sat on his chair.

_Dear Charles,_

_Please forgive me for all the hurting I have caused you all these years of our marriage, especially now with my health problem. _

_I can't continue like this anymore. I can't stay here anymore. I have to go, my darling. I have to leave far away from all these memories before I hurt you more than I could stand. Here we fell in love with each other. Here you started courting me. Here you gave me our first kiss. Here you made me yours for the first time. Here I… lost our child._

_How much I wish we could change the past but we can't. After I came back with Anna from London, when I saw you I remembered all the things we lived together. Maybe if I was more careful, I wouldn't have lost our child. Maybe the family could allow us to live here with our child or maybe not. We could be so happy with our family. The loss of our baby was and is so painful for both of us, Charles._

_Please forgive me for leaving you here alone with a broken heart but I couldn't stay and I couldn't take you with me. The family is your family and you love them. You couldn't leave them after all these years to come with me, there would be no point if I am dying. It would be so much easier if I die far away from you._

_Don't forget how much I love you. You have made very happy and I couldn't wish for a better husband to love me than you. I hope I have made you happy through all these years. Don't try to find me because you won't find me. I won't go to my sister. I love her very much and I couldn't let her nurse me until my… death. _

_Please take care of yourself and our Anna. Tell her how much I love her like my daughter and I will never forget her. You know, she loves you like her father. She told me that when I was comforting her after Mr. Bates trial. She was so good with me. If I hadn't lost our child, I wish that it was like William if it was a boy or like Anna if it was a girl. _

_I love you very much, Charles Carson._

_Yours forever,_

_Elsie Carson._

He read the letter three times to understand what was happening. He feared that he would lost his wife from the… cancer but now he had lost her because she didn't want to hurt them anymore, she didn't want to hurt him anymore and she broke his heart with her decision to leave the house forever. He had to do something to stop her and get her back with him. If she wanted to leave, they would leave together to spend their last days happily together.

He left the letter on his desk, stood up and put on his hat and coat. He started running towards the train station to stop her. How much he wished that she hadn't left yet Downton. A smile formed on his face when he arrived at the train station. He saw her walking towards the train when he realized that she was about to faint. He rushed to her side and caught her before she fell on the floor. A man offered to take them back to the big house.

**-00-**

Anna had gone to speak with Charles about Elsie. She was so worried about the housekeeper and she had to do something. She found the letter and couldn't do anything but read it. She was so sad while she was reading it that she couldn't hold back her tears. She had read two times the letter when she heard the back door and went to see who had come back hoping that Charles had stopped her. She was surprised to see Charles holding in his arms an unconscious Elsie.

"I will take her to her room. Please Anna, call doctor Clarkson and when he comes send him to her room.", he said as he made his way upstairs to the servants quartets to her room.

Anna nodded and rushed to call doctor Clarkson. She was so worried when he saw him so pale holding her in his arms. What have happened to bring her back at this state? What if the housekeeper was ill? The questions were on her mind but managed to get them away. She rushed to the kitchen to inform the cook. Beryl was very worried when she heard what Anna told her.

"Go upstairs to help him get her change. I will send doctor Clarkson up with Daisy when he comes.", she said trying to hold back her tears.

Anna went upstairs quickly and found Charles struggling to get Elsie change from her clothes to her nightdress. In an instant she was at his side helping him and she managed to smile. He managed a small smile back to calm her a bit.

-00-

Doctor Clarkson was inside examining Elsie while Charles waited outside her room pacing the corridor worried. He was so glad to see that she hadn't left yet but she fainted and he didn't know why. That was what worried him so much. Why Elsie fainted at the train station? He was imagining things when the door opened and the doctor with Anna came out to stand in front of him.

"Well, how is she? Why she fainted at the train station?", he asked trying to hide his worry.

"After the incident with the surgery, I told her that she had to take it easy, to eat and rest properly. From what I gather she hadn't been listening to me and now her condition is a little more serious than the previous time. She must stay in bed for at least a week. Please, make sure that she is resting and eating properly. She is making her immune system weak and she could get seriously ill.", he said worried about Elsie.

"Don't worry, doctor. We will take good care of her. If I have to, I will lock her in her room.", said Charles with a little smile.

"Good. This is the medication she has to take. I will come in a week to see her again. Please, don't leave her get up.", he said as he handed the medication to Anna.

"I will make sure that she takes it.", she said smiling to them as a reassurance.

"Anna, please stay with her. I will show the doctor out.", he said looking her with a knowing look.

"Yes, Mr. Carson.", she said and entered the room.

Charles went downstairs with the doctor to show him out. He informed Beryl, Robert and Cora about the condition of Elsie. He was so angry with her but so worried as well. She could kill herself before they even learn if she is ill or not. He would make sure that she is following the doctor's order and he would lock her in the room if he has to.

_**Your reviews are very welcome. **_


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Worry?

_**A/N: Sorry for the delay. A small chapter this time. I didn't have much inspiration for this chapter. I was busy these days and I was ill. **_

_**Downton Abbey and the characters belong to J. Fellowes. I just love to write stories with my favorite actors. **_

After almost two weeks of a good rest, doctor Clarkson gave his permission to Elsie to return to her work and duties but she had to take it easy. She was so content to return to her daily routine because she couldn't stand one more day of bed rest. She was beginning to feel tired of being in a room all day and no one letting her do anything. Charles made sure that Elsie would agree to let Anna help her with the work so she wouldn't tire herself very much.

She had to hide her worry, her fear and her tears when she was around someone else, especially when she was with Charles. So when she was alone in the safety of her sitting room she was relieved to let her emotions and tears free for a while. There would be times when her stomach couldn't resist the food she had eaten.

**-00-**

Charles had taken the permission of the family to take the half day off so he could go somewhere with his wife. He wanted to do something for her to make her feel happier, to see his old Elsie back for a while. He went to the kitchen before luncheon to ask Beryl to make them something to take it with them. She was glad that he would take her away from the house for a while because both of them needed that.

After luncheon upstairs had finished, he went to his pantry to get ready and surprised his lovely wife. He put on his coat, hat and gloves and took the picnic basket Beryl had prepared them. He knocked on her sitting room door and opened it. He found her sitting on her armchair crying and was surprised.

"Elsie, what's the matter?", he asked her as he kneeled in front of her and took hold of her hands.

"I can't anymore, Charles. I want all of this to end. Only the thought that I may be ill and dying makes me sick. Please, Charles. Please do something to take my pain away.", she buried her face once more in her hands and continued crying.

"Come on, love. Let's put on you your coat, hat and gloves.", he said as he took those items and stand looking her.

"What? Why? Where are we going? I want to be alone, Charles.", she said and stayed on her armchair.

"We will go for a walk, darling. The family gave us permission to take the half day off and we both need this. Come on, love.", he helped her stand up and get dressed. Within five minutes they were walking to a lovely place that he knew she would love.

They arrived to a lovely placed next to the lake. He placed a blanket to sit on it and helped her get settled. He sat beside her and took her in his arms. She couldn't hold back her tears anymore and started crying again without being able to stop it. Charles didn't do anything this time because he knew that she needed to break down and was glad that he could take her away from the house and be the two of them only.

After an hour he found out that Elsie was asleep in his arms. He moved slowly to take a second blanket from the basket and placed it on Elsie to warm her. He moved a little to lie down beside her without letting her from his arms. He took hold of her left hand and kissed it before letting his eyes close.

He woke up after an hour when he felt movement beside him. He opened his eyes to find her smiling at him and he was so glad that he had managed to bring that smile back for a while. He rose a little to sit next to her and took the glass of wine that she was offering him. It was starting to get dark and he decided that it was time for them to return to the house.

"It's getting dark, love. Why don't we go back? We can light the fire in your sitting room and sit together in front of the fire. I want so much to hold you in my arms, Elsie.", he said and kissed her with all his love.

"I want you so much to hold me in your arms, Charles. Let's go back because I'm getting frozen out here.", she said and returned his kiss in full payment.

They gathered their things and they walked back to the big house holding each other's hands.

**-00-**

A few days later she was sitting in her sitting room doing some paperwork when suddenly she heard a knock on the door. She called the person to come in and turned to see who was it.

"I am sorry to disturb you, Mrs. Carson but this came for you in the evening post.", said the footman and handed her the envelope with the letter in it.

She didn't look who was sending the letter but looked at the young man standing in front of her. "Thank you, Jack. You can go back to your work now and please don't say a word about this.", she said at the young man and watched him left her sitting and closing the door.

She looked at the envelope and she recognized immediately the handwriting on it. She started getting worried and nervous. How she was supposed to respond to this person? What will she write as a response? So many questions on her mind but no answers.

**Sorry for the small chapter. I promise the next chapter will be more big. Please review.**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Revealing The Past

_**A/N: I promised in chapter 6 that this chapter will be longer, so here you go! The only bad thing is that chapter 8 will delay a bit because I have some exams and a very busy program. This chapter has a little surprise for you and I hope you like it.**_

_**Downton Abbey and the characters belong to J. Fellowes. I just love to write stories with my favorite characters. **_

She had received the letter a week ago. Every day she woke she read it over and over again trying to find a way to write her letter as a response without revealing her health problem. She had tried to write her letter five times but had thrown it all the times.

She was sitting in her desk chair looking the envelope with the letter in her hands and crying. This person meant so much to her and she didn't want to tell the truth because she couldn't stand see the fear and the hurt in the eyes of this person. She heard a knock on the door and called the person to come in. Anna entered the sitting room quickly with a red and very worried face.

"What's the matter, Anna?", she asked worried.

"You must come up, Mrs. Carson. Alice isn't feeling very well.", she said and went back upstairs.

She looked the envelope in her hands for a moment and then she put it on her desk. She left her sitting room forgetting to close the door and went upstairs to see what was happening with the housemaid.

**-00-**

Charles was working on some papers that needed to be done and then give them to Elsie. He didn't have much time to focus on anything else and was lost in his work. He finished all the important papers, took a few moments to relax and then went to left them to Elsie's sitting room. He was a little surprised to found her door open because every time she was needed anywhere else she would close the door so no one could enter without her permission.

Thinking that she would be upset with him if he would give her the papers later, he took the liberty to left them on her desk so that when she came back to work she would find them. His eye caught site of the envelope on her desk and was very surprised. She had never said anything about this person to who was addressed the letter. _Elisabeth Hughes McRenald. _The name was familiar to him, well not the whole name but the name Elisabeth McRenald was very familiar to him. He tried to remember from where he knew this woman but he couldn't and yet something reminded him of Elsie.

He took the envelope in his hands and sat in her desk chair trying to remember from where he knew that woman to who Elsie was writing a letter.

**-00-**

She had used the phone in the main hall of the house to call for doctor Clarkson because the housemaid had a fever and she was coughing very bad to be a common flu that people would catch. She had sent Anna down to wait for the doctor while she took care of the young woman. Every young staff, especially the young women who came to work at Downton, was like her daughters and if they were ill she would make sure to take an excellent care of them.

After doctor Clarkson left, she left Anna in charge of the ill housemaid until she finished her paperwork and was able to take care of her for a while. She went to the kitchen first to inform Beryl to make some soup to take later upstairs. She walked to her sitting room and found Charles sitting in her desk chair with the envelope in his hands.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't realize that Elsie was staring at him from the door. She had to clear her throat to bring him back to the reality and take his attention. He looked her with a lost, confused face like a hurt child looked his mother.

"Elsie, who is Elisabeth Hughes McRenald? Her name is so familiar to me, especially the Elisabeth McRenald, but I can't remember from where I know her.", he said as he was watching to find any answers on her face.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She closed the door so no one could hear them or disturb them and walked to stand in front of him with a sad face. She took the envelope in her hands and sat in the chair opposite from him. She took another deep breath before she began to speak.

"She was a housemaid here for two years and left to go back to her husband.", she said calmly.

"Oh yes, I remember her. She was a very good girl and she was very much like you.", he said looking her still confused. "Elsie, is there something bothering you? You can tell me everything, love.", he said as he smiled sadly.

"I was seventeen years old when I left home to work as a housemaid to a big house in another part of Scotland. Three years later I had to go back because my sister was seriously ill and my brother-in-law needed help with the house and their eight months baby girl. Christine needed a medicine which was a bit expensive so I had to find a job so I could help them. I found a job as a nanny in a house where they let me have the baby with me some times. I was working three months there when one night while I was returning home one man attacked me and…", she paused letting the tears fall from her eyes.

"Oh my God! Elsie, why you didn't tell me that before?", he asked her and wanted to hold her in his arms but didn't want to pressure her.

"I didn't want to hurt you. I wanted to die from the embarrassment but something held me in life. Three months after that night I found out that I was pregnant. At first, I wanted to die because I would bring in the world a child from a man who… attacked me but then I decided that this child would be my life. I wanted to leave but my pregnancy was difficult and I had to stay somewhere until I gave birth. Six months later a gave birth to a beautiful baby daughter. Her name is Elisabeth Hughes.", she said and looked him to see his reaction.

"What? The girl who worked here as a housemaid is your daughter? Oh my God! That's why she looks so much like you.", he paused and looked her in the eyes. He saw the love for him and the need to forgive her for not telling him this before. He stood up and embraced her. He held her tightly to his chest and let her cry. After a while she looked him and pulled away a little. "Elsie, you don't have to continue if you don't want to. I understand why you didn't tell me this before. The only thing I regret is that I wasn't there to defend you.", he said and kissed her with all his love.

She laughed with his statement and kissed him back. "Charles, we didn't know each other then.", she took a deep breath to continue telling her story. "Elisabeth was five years old when I left to come here to work. No one knows that I have a daughter, except Beryl. I told her the truth five years ago because she found me crying with a letter in my hands. At her fifteen birthday my sister gave her a letter that I had written before I left Scotland to come here. In the letter I told her everything about the night of my attack, my feelings when I found I was pregnant and when I hold her for the first time in my hands, how much I love her and how much it hurt me to leave her. She always said me, "Mama" because my sister told her that I was away. I received her first letter four months after her birthday where she told me that she has forgiven me and that she wanted very much to meet me.", she paused again to look at him and take some time to rest.

"That's why you took permission to be away for a month. You told us that your sister was seriously ill and you were needed there because of her children. Why she used the name Elisabeth McRenald when she came to work here?", he asked her a little confused.

"You may remember as well that I took permission to be away for a month after three years when Elisabeth was eighteen years old. She had told me that she was getting married and I needed to find out if the man she was getting married to was a good man and he loved her. Charles, when I saw them together it was like I was looking at us. They love each other so much. Six months later she came to work here. She had lost their first child a month ago and she needed time for herself and she needed me. After a few months she made up with Charlie.", she said and looked him with a smile.

"Charlie? Elisabeth's husband is named Charles?", he asked her with surprise.

"Yes! He was a doctor and he was sent to France. So, Elisabeth stayed here working so she wouldn't be alone and to have time to know each other better. I was very sad when she left but she had to go to her husband. Five months later she told me that she was pregnant again which made me so happy.", she said as she remembered when she gave birth to her daughter.

"Where is she now? They have children?", he asked very interested to hear about Elisabeth.

"They live in London. Charlie is working in a hospital and Elisabeth works at his side as a nurse. They have four children. Elisabeth, but they call her Beth, who is twenty years old and she is a teacher. Charles is seventeen years old and wants to be a doctor like his father. William is fifteen years old and wants to be a layer. Their last one is Christine who is eight years old.", she said as she smiled.

"So, they named their first one after you and their last one after your sister. That must be because you are her mother and she loves you very much and because Christine was the woman who took care of her until she married Charlie.", he smiled and kissed her but not letting go her hands.

"Exactly. They named Charles after you, though.", she said with a smile and kissed him.

"After me? But why? I don't understand.", he was confused. Why Elisabeth would name her son after a man who wasn't her father nor any relative.

"When she was working here I told her that we were married and that I had lost our child. When I asked her why she named my grandson after you, she told me "Mr. Carson loves you very much, Mama. I saw it in his eyes when he looked at you. He loves you and looks at you the way Charlie loves me and looks at me." Although I haven't said anything to my grandchildren about you when I visit them, she speaks to them about you and refers to you as her father and their grandfather. They want so very much to meet you, Charles.", she said and kissed him passionately.

"Well, we will make sure that they will meet their grandfather soon but after we know the results of your tests. Now, I have something for my beautiful wife.", he kissed her once more and stood up.

He took hold of her hand and guided her upstairs to their room. She had tried to protest but he shouted her with kisses. He let her enter their room first and he made sure to close and lock the door behind him.

**-00-**

She was surprised when she looked at their room. Lighten candles were on the night tables. On the bed there was a heart shaped from petals of red roses, Elsie's favorite roses. He walked to stand behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. She smiled with his acts. He started kissing her neck very passionately.

"All these were done with my love, so I would be able to offer my beautiful wife a very special afternoon after a very long time.", he whispered in her ear and continued kissing her neck.

She turned slowly in his arms to face him. She took his face between her two hands, looked him with two lovely teary blue eyes and kissed him with all her love and passion. After a few moments she pulled back to catch her breath. "It is very nice, Charles. I want only one thing from you now, love.", she looked him in the eyes and kissed him lightly on the lips before continuing. "I want you to show how much you love me. I want you to make me feel alive just for a while."

He didn't say anything but leaned down and kissed her with all his love and passion. As they were kissing they moved slowly towards the bed while taking off one by one their clothes. They only broke apart to take off the rest of their clothes. They stood for a few moments naked looking at each other. He took her face in his hands and kissed her. He eased her on the bed without breaking the kiss. He was trailing kisses on her lips, on her cheeks, on her neck while his hands was travelling and touching her whole body making the fire inside her grow more and more with every touch of his hands. "Charles… please…", she begged him. She couldn't wait anymore. She wanted to feel alive for just a while. She wanted him to give her what she needed.

Charles kissed her on the lips and looked her one more time to see if she was ready. He could see what she needed and he would give it to her with all his love. He parted her legs with his left hand and with a movement he entered her slowly giving her pleasure. Together they find their own perfect rhythm to move. He didn't stop kissing her lips, her cheeks and her lovely neck. He touched lightly with his hand the scar on her left breast because he didn't want to hurt her, now he would give her only happiness, pleasure and love. He could give everything to make sure that she was going to be alright.

Elsie found first her release with his name on her lips. After a few moments he found his own release. They stayed like this for a few moments just looking each other and not wanting to break this lovely moment. He started getting tired and lied beside her. He took her in his arms and held her close to him. They fall asleep a few minutes later.

_**Please review… **___


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8:

_**A/N: Ok, I finally managed to update this chapter. I'm so sorry it took so long but having exams at uni, lots of study, internet problems and no inspiration didn't help at all. I took two days off from everything despite the studying that I had and now the tiredness is coming out. Unfortunately these two months (May and June) are difficult for me. Please forgive me. Forgive me if I have made any mistakes but English isn't my mother language.**_

_**As always: I don't own (sadly) Downton Abbey, it belongs to J. Fellowes. Only Elisabeth Hughes McRenald is mine. **_

Slowly the days were coming and leaving from everyone's lives, especially from Charles and Elsie's lives because this waiting was making them anxious, nervous and worried. The support they took from some members of the family and some members of the staff was giving them strength but it wasn't enough.

Charles could see how Elsie was letting this whole situation to sink her in a way which seemed to have no return. She had lost her courage and her strength to fight and he feared that one way or another she would die, he would lost her forever and that was something he didn't want to happen yet. He was angry with her because if she doesn't have cancer, she would have made herself sick to death.

Every night he held her close to him so they could get some sleep, but this sleep wasn't restful for both of them. Besides the lack of sleep, she wasn't eating properly and every time she tried to eat something more she was sick immediately. This caused an increased loss of weight which worried everyone, especially Charles and Richard. Cora, Sybil, Beryl, Anna, Richard, Charles and even Mary and Sarah O'Brien tried to talk to her, to convince her that she was hurting herself and all the others who loved her and were at her side. No one could do anything to convince her to stop doing that to herself.

**-00-**

Charles went to his pantry to work on some papers that needed to be done soon but he couldn't focus on anything. His mind was filled with Elsie, _his_ Elsie, _his_ darling wife. They all knew the truth about him and Elsie two months now, but yet it was a little weird for him to be able to hold her hand and hugged her in front of everyone without caring who will see them.

Suddenly, his thoughts and mind went to a person who he had forgotten completely. This person was the daughter of Elsie… this person was their daughter, because he loved this woman as his daughter even though she didn't have his blood inside her. In his heart Elisabeth Hughes-McRenald would always be the daughter of Elsie Hughes-Carson and Charles Carson.

She had protested when he suggested writing to Elisabeth to tell her the truth but he could see how much she needed her daughter by her side through all this. Suddenly, a thought came in his mind. What will happen with Elisabeth if Elsie has cancer after all? He remembered what they had discussed about this matter.

_He kissed her forehead and took a deep breath. "Elsie, can I ask you something?", he asked her without letting her hand._

_She smiled and kissed him lightly on the lips. "Of course you can, you silly man. What's the matter?", she turned to face her husband and saw the serious and painful look on his face._

_He took a deep breath. "What will happen with Elisabeth if you have cancer after all?", he tried to hide his tears and his fear about this possibility._

_She turned her face away trying to hold back her tears and took a deep breath to calm herself. "I knew that this question would come and I tried to think something." She took a deep breath once again and turned to face her husband with her heart broke. "If I have cancer, we will leave from Downton and go to live with Elisabeth and her family. I want us to spend time with them until my… death. I don't want to tell them the truth because my heart will break even more when I'll see their sad faces and cries. You will tell them the truth after my… death.", the tears made their appearance and she couldn't hold them._

_He hugged her close to his chest and start making soothing circles on her back to calm her slowly. "Let it all out, love.", he kissed her hair which she had washed with lavender and lemon. "I'm here with you. Let it all out, my darling.", he continued what he did. After half an hour he realized that she was asleep in his arms. He took her and sat in the armchair to be more comfortable and held her close to him. He began to sing her favorite song in low voice. _

_He kissed her cheek when she began to stir and opened her eyes. She smiled sadly at him and sat upright on his lap. They sat silent for a moment looking at each other. "Charles?", she took a deep breath and smiled sadly when he looked her. "Please, take me at our cottage and make me feel alive even for a while. Please, my love.", she said and hugged him tightly. Charles didn't say anything but helped her stand and took her hand in his. In two minutes they were wearing their coats and gloves and they were heading to their cottage. _

Suddenly he was brought back in reality by a noise from a kitchen and Beryl's raised voice to poor Daisy. He had to do something to see his wife smiling again, at least for a few days. He made his decision right away and knew that Elsie would kill him for this but he had to do it.

**-00-**

Elsie couldn't sleep, only four hours were enough for her to regain some of her strength to work. She got up slowly as not to disturb Charles and got dressed. She went downstairs to her sitting room to do some paperwork while waiting the hour to pass and the other servants start their day as well.

Without realizing it she heard different noises coming from outside her sitting room and knew that the other servants were up and about. She took a deep breath and stood up to get out. Suddenly the door opened and Charles came in a little upset.

"Would you like to explain me where the…", he stopped before he would say something and continued his question. "were you? I've looking for you for the past half an hour.", he said and tried to stay calm because he knew that this was useless and painful for them.

"Charles Carson, don't you ever again talk to me this way. You know how difficult is this situation for me… for us and I don't need my husband yelling at me because I wasn't in our bed.", she was angry now and suddenly she felt dizzy.

He was upset with her. He was looking at her waiting for his answer when she turned very pale and couldn't stand steady. "Oh dear God! Elsie!" He was at her side at once to catch her and eased her in the armchair. "I am so sorry, Elsie!", he stood up immediately and turned to her with a glass of water. "Drink a little water. Oh my God! What I've done? I am so sorry, Elsie. I shouldn't have spoken to you this way. Are you feeling any better?", he asked her as he tried to calm himself.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. The dizziness hadn't left yet but she was better. She opened her eyes and looked him. "I'm a little better. The dizziness is still here but I feel a little better.", she kept looking him and saw how he tried to calm himself and not to break in front of her. "It's alright, Charles. You were… you are worried about me and it's normal this reaction. You were upset and worried. It's everything alright.", she touched his cheek with her free hand.

"No! No! It's not alright, Elsie.", he stood up and start pacing in the room upset with himself. "I shouldn't have spoken to you this way. I was… I am worried about you. I was upset with you but I shouldn't have spoken to you like that.", he said and continued pacing in the room without saying nothing more. Suddenly he stopped and looked at the picture of their wedding day.

"Charles? Are you alright?", she was getting worried now. "Charles, please say something.", she said as she stood up and went to his side looking at their photo.

"I'm sorry, Elsie. I need some time alone. Please, forgive me.", he said and left the room, leaving her worried and confused.

Beryl had heard the raised voices but kept doing her job. She was surprised when the door opened and Charles went quickly outside looking bad. She stopped what she was doing and start heading to the housekeeper's sitting room when she saw Elsie trying to keep herself steady. She was at her side immediately to catch her and eased her in the armchair. She took the glass with the water that was beside on the little table and gave it to her.

**-00-**

Almost two hours passed. Charles was still outside trying to calm himself and he was walking through the gardens of the Abbey. He didn't know if he should go back inside and speak with Elsie.

The door of the housekeeper's sitting room was closed. Elsie was sleeping in the armchair covered with a blanket. Beside her in a chair was sitting Beryl who didn't want to leave her alone after what happened. The housekeeper had cried herself to sleep in the arms of the cook. She was feeling upset with herself and angry with the reactions of Charles. The cook could see that her friend must be dreaming.

_A week had passed since the loss of their child. They hadn't slept together since and they were speaking only when it was necessary about the work. Charles was always at his pantry when he wasn't needed upstairs from the family. Elsie was always in her sitting room working or crying. _

_Everyone had noticed the weird behavior of the butler and the housekeeper but no one said or asked anything. They all stayed silent watching them. A month had passed since that day and Elsie couldn't stand this situation anymore. So she took a very painful decision. She lied that her sister was seriously ill and took permission to leave for as long as it takes. She leaved very early in the morning because she didn't want to face him. _

_Charles still loved and cared about her. He was worried when he didn't see her at the breakfast and especially when after an hour or two she didn't appear. He was ready to start looking for her when Robert called him to speak with him about a very important thing._

_He knocked on the library door and went in when he heard Robert calling to come in. "You asked for me, My Lord.", he stayed like a statue in front of Robert._

_Robert finished what he was doing and stood up. "Yes, Carson! I need to inform you that Mrs. Hughes left early this morning to go to Scotland.", he said and waited to see Charles reaction._

_He was very surprised and upset with Elsie because she didn't tell anything to him. "Something happened with her family?", he asked trying to hide his nervousness. _

"_Yes. Unfortunately, her sister is seriously ill and Mrs. Hughes was called there to help. She will stay there as long as it takes and then she will come back to her work here.", he said and sat in the chair again._

"_Who will take her place until Mrs. Hughes comes back?", he asked but somehow he already knew the answer. _

"_We will not hire another person to replace her until she comes back. I think that between you, Mrs. Patmore and Anna you can manage the running of the household.", he said and start working again on some papers._

"_Very good, My Lord. We will do our best. If you will excuse me.", he said and left the library. He took a moment to calm himself and went downstairs to announce the sudden leaving of the housekeeper and the new arrangements._

_A month later in Scotland the things weren't going very well. One day Elsie was washing some clothes outside in the yard when she started feeling dizzy. She sat for two minutes to steady herself and when she felt better she returned at her job. The dizziness was getting worse by the minutes until Elsie was lying unconscious on the ground. Christine was getting worried because her sister hadn't come back from the yard. She went outside to find her. She was surprised to find her unconscious on the ground. He husband helped her take her inside and send his oldest son to get the doctor. _

_Elsie had caught pneumonia and her condition was bad. The doctor gave them some medication for her. Every day he was at the house checking at Elsie who was getting worse by the week. After a month her condition was steady but she was very weak. The doctor didn't give them many possibilities for her to live. As a miracle, after a month Elsie had made full recovery and was helping her sister and her brother-in-law with the farm and the kids. _

_Six months had passed since her arrival at Scotland. She was talking with Beryl through letters and with this way she learnt the news of the house and of her… of Charles. One day she received a letter she didn't expect. It was from Beryl and it was urgent. When she opened the letter and read it, she felt dizzy and sat on her bed to calm down. In the evening of the same day, she was at Downton Abbey. When she arrived at the back door of the house, she stopped there and took a deep breathed before getting inside. She went immediately to the kitchen where she found a very worried Beryl looking at her. The cook took her from the arm and lead her inside her sitting room. _

"_I am glad that you came right away.", the cook said to her friend._

"_Of course I would come right away. We may hurt each other but I still love him with all my heart.", she took a deep breath to hold back her tears and looked at the friend. "Please tell me that he will be fine."_

_The cook saw the hidden tears and squeezed her friend's hand. "The doctor isn't very positive about his condition. He caught a serious form of a virus and he is struggling to stay alive."_

"_I know how it is, Beryl. I almost die myself five months ago but I managed to stay alive.", she told her friend and let some tears to fall free._

"_What? I don't understand. Why?", Beryl looked confused at the younger woman in front of her._

"_I caught the serious form of the pneumonia and I was in bed almost two months. The first month my condition was getting worse each week but then got steady. I was very weak and my sister helped me to recover completely.", she let more tears to fall. "I don't want to lose him, Beryl."_

_Beryl looked at her with teary eyes. "Calm down, Elsie. You won't lose him. Please, just calm down."_

_The both women were interrupted from the young housemaid who came in the sitting room very worried._

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo.", Elsie screamed while she was sleeping and start shouting.

Beryl got up immediately and start shaking her to wake her. "Elsie, wake up. You are having a bad dream. Elsie! Wake up!", she shouted at the younger woman and this made Elsie to wake up. She looked around to understand where she was and after a moment she started calming.

They almost jumped out of their skins when the door flew open and Charles came in worried. "What happened?", he asked looking at the two women worried. He saw that Elsie was crying and he was getting more worried.

Elsie stood up and threw herself in his arms. "Nothing, darling. I fell asleep in the armchair, I had a bad dream and that's why I screamed."

Beryl smiled sadly at Charles and went to her kitchen closing the door and leaving them alone. Charles sat in the armchair and Elsie sat on his lap. He held her tightly in his arms.

_**Please review. I want to know what you think of this chapter. **___


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

_**A/N: After almost a month here you have chapter 9. This month life was very busy for me, but I finally finished this chapter. The next chapter will be the last for this story. This chapter is a bit M rated in some parts. (sorry for any mistake) I hope you like it. **_

Another three days passed from everyone's life. As the last two months Elsie couldn't eat or rest properly to regain her strength. She kept losing weight because every time she ate something more than she could stand, she was immediately sick. She was moving slower than before because this was taking her energy, her strength. The whole situation was indeed sinking her, but she had stopped fighting like nothing mattered anymore. The sight of Elsie was breaking everyone's heart, especially her husband's who couldn't stand and doing nothing.

-00-

Elsie, once again, was the first to wake up. Only three or four hours of sleep were enough for her now. She made a movement to stand but found out that she couldn't. Charles was holding her tightly in his arms. His left hand was under the back of her neck while his right hand was around her waist and holding her tightly against him. She had realized that every time after their love making her lovely husband was holding her more tightly than the other nights.

Slowly she took his right hand from her waist to release herself. She moved slowly to stand up and stopped when she heard him saying something. She turned and saw him smiling in his sleep. She couldn't anything else but smile at this wonderful sight of her husband. He was so calm, peaceful and smiling. She put on her dressing gown and slippers, moved to his side and placed a light kiss on his forehead as not to wake him and made her way in the bathroom.

She let the hot water to fill the tub while she was watching herself in the mirror above the sink. She wasn't anymore the woman she was before she discovered the cyst on her breast. Some grey hair were making their appearance, some lines on her face also were visible making her look older. She was feeling older, she was feeling like she had no strength to keep fighting to stay alive. She saw that the tub was filled as she wanted and took off her clothes and slippers.

"You are getting older, Elsie Carson.", she said to herself as she looked herself once more in the mirror.

"You will always be a very beautiful woman in my eyes, Elsie Carson!", Charles said to his wife with a sad smile on his face.

Elsie almost jumped out of her skin when she heard him. She took a moment to calm herself and took a deep breath before returning and speaking to her husband. "Charles, you scared me to death! Don't you ever do that again.", she said as she took deep breaths to calm herself.

He walked further in the room and hugged her from behind. "I'm so sorry, my love! I won't do it again, but I couldn't resist at watching my beautiful wife.", he said and kissed her neck.

She sighed and smiled with his words and actions. Suddenly a thought came in her mind and smiled wider. She turned to face him and kissed him with passion. "Care to join me in the tub;", she smiled at him with a smirk.

"Mrs. Carson!", he said and kissed her with passion. "I would like that very much.", he continued kissing her while she was working on taking his pajama's off him.

In less than five minutes they were standing naked in front of the tub looking at each other. Charles leaned and kissed her passionately before parting and taking a deep breath. He kissed her once more lightly and got into the tub first. Elsie got into the tub and sat in front of him all the while smiling. He started rubbing her back with his big strong hands and he heard her sigh. Taking that as a sign to continue he grasped her shoulders to make her lean on his chest. His now experienced hands were traveling from her shoulders to her breasts. He loved to feel the weight of her breasts on his hands. All the while she was smiling and sighing happy. His right hand reach and touch her center while the other was touching her breasts. She groaned at his actions and he felt so glad that he was the one who was doing that to her. He slipped a finger inside of her and knew that she was ready for him.

She was letting him happily to do whatever he wished because it was what she wanted. She felt his arousal against her bottom and knew that his was ready. Taking a deep breath, she stood and slowly sat back down while he was entering her. They stayed still for a moment looking at each other and they saw the love, the desire and the… fear. Yes, the fear of what was going to happen but they decided to enjoy this moment and let the fear out for a while. Together they created the perfect rhythm of movements while kissing and touching each other. They hadn't done that for a long time and it was something forgotten. Charles was capable to offer her whatever he could to make her happy, to make her smile, to make her want to live and fight to stay alive. Slowly they were reaching their climax. Elsie found her release first saying his name. Charles found his own release a moment after and then she collapsed on him. They stayed like this for a moment or two to memorize this.

-00-

Their morning exercise helped them relax a bit more because they knew that they had a very busy day in front of them. Elsie had a quick shower while Charles was shaving. She made her way in the bedroom to get dressed while Charles had his shower. After getting ready for the day, they kissed lightly and went downstairs to start.

Beryl was finishing the preparations of the breakfast while Daisy was preparing the table. John helped his wife out of her coat and gave it to her. They went to sit in the servant's hall to wait for their superiors to come down. Sarah O'Brien was sitting silently at her usual sit, in the left of the butler, looking at the table. Thomas was speaking with Jimmy in a low voice. Anna stood up as she saw her superiors coming down the stairs and this was the sign for everyone to stand up. They were expecting to see two sad and tired people but instead they saw two smiling people coming to the table. The breakfast time was quiet and as the bells started to ring the day began as usual.

Both Charles and Elsie had a lot of paperwork to do so after finishing their breakfast they went immediately at their rooms. Charles had to check papers from the wine deliveries and the silver. Elsie had to check papers and orderings of supplies for the cupboard.

-00-

Charles was at his pantry working on the papers for almost three hours now. He had started but Robert called him to arrange some things about the house and he took him half an hour to come back and continue his work which was now bigger than before. He wanted so much to finish his work early enough to be able to have a lovely and quiet evening with his darling wife. He knew that they both needed those times together because it gave them strength and hope for the future. He started working again to finish early when he heard a knock on his door. He sighed and tried to calm himself. "Come in!", he called out to the person standing outside the door. When the door opened Charles was quiet surprised to see that person. "Elisabeth!", he said still surprised to see her.

She stood there watching him and she smiled sadly. "Good morning,", she hesitated for a moment but made up her mind. "papa!", she went to stand in front of him and hugged him.

Charles was surprised by her action but was happy that she called him "papa" without being true. "Oh, my little girl. I'm so happy that you are finally here.", he said as he put his arms around his… daughter to hold her close to him.

After a few minutes they broke apart and Charles saw the tears on her face. "I don't want to lose her, papa.", she said as she let the tears fall freely from her eyes.

He closed the door behind her and nodded at her to sit down. He sat on the opposite chair and took her hands in his own hands. "I don't want to lose her either but if she has cancer we can't do anything. The only thing we can do if that's true is to show her our love.", he wiped her tears with his thumb. "She'll be glad to see you but she'll be angry with me for telling you the truth about her.", he looked her and smiled weakly.

Elisabeth forced a weak smile for her father and looked down at their hands. "I spoke with Charlie yesterday. He convinced me to take the train from London to come here and be with Mum. That's why I didn't have the time to inform you that I was coming.", she kept looking at their hands and let more tears fall.

Charles saw how sad his daughter was about her mother and he understood completely because he was feeling terrible when his mother was seriously ill and died. With a movement he grabbed her and pulled her on his lap to hold her close to him. She put her arms around his neck and buried her face on his shoulder. At that moment the door opened and Beryl appeared in the room. "Oh! I'm sorry, Mr. Carson. I didn't know that you had company. I will come later.", she said and turned to leave.

Elisabeth stood up so that Charles could stand up as well. He laughed a little and looked at the cook. "No, Mrs. Patmore. There is no need for you to leave.", he looked at her with a smile and looked at his daughter. "I assume you remember Elisabeth.", he said as he looked back at her.

Beryl was observing the young woman confused trying to remember from where she knew her. Then it came down to her. "Elisabeth?!", she said with a surprise. "I don't believe it. Come here, my darling girl.", she opened her arms and were filled with Elisabeth after a moment.

Elisabeth smiled at the cook when they broke apart. "I'm so glad to see you, Mrs. Patmore. I assume you still make that delicious apple tart.", she looked at the cook and laughed.

Beryl raised her eyebrows and laughed too. She looked at Charles. "I see that she may not be your biological daughter but she looks very much like you and Elsie.", she said and the three of them started laughing loud.

Elsie heard the laughing and knew that it was coming from Charles's pantry. What was happening there?, she asked herself and left what she was doing to see what was happening. "What is happening…", she didn't finish her question as she froze when she saw her daughter looking at her standing next to Charles. "Elisabeth?", she said and put her hand on the door to steady herself.

Charles saw that she was pale and rushed to her side. "Elsie!", he said while leading her to sit on a chair. "Are you alright, love?", he asked her worried. He was more worried when he got no answer from her. She was sitting like a statue looking like a lost person. He turned to face Elisabeth and Beryl who were standing behind Elsie worried. Beryl left the room and returned with a glass of water. Charles took the water and handed it to Elsie. "Please, drink some water.", he pleaded her and that brought her back to reality.

She drank a bit from the water and put it on the desk next to her. She stood up and turned to face her daughter. She let some tears to fall from her eyes and opened her arms. "Elisabeth!", she put her arms tightly around her daughter reassuring herself that she was indeed there. Beryl smiled at Charles and left the room closing the door so the three of them could have some privacy.

-00-

Two days passed since Elisabeth's arrival at Downton. Elsie was so happy having her daughter with her which made Charles smile again. Seeing her smile and having time with their daughter was the reward for the right decision he took to tell the truth to her. Elsie introduced her daughter to the family and the staff. Elisabeth and Anna became immediately great friends and they were feeling like sisters. Elisabeth was so glad to meet Anna, the young woman for whom her mother was writing in every letter. The three women were spending time together like a mother with her two daughters. John was glad to see his wife so happy because he knew that she loved the housekeeper as her mother and made a note in his mind to talk to her about something.

Elsie was doing her rounds to check if the housemaids had done everything and was as she expected to be. She was walking towards the blue room when she heard someone crying. It was coming from Sybil's room. She knocked on the door and opened it. She found her sitting on the bed with her head in her hands crying. She walked towards the bed and put a hand on her head. "What's the matter, my darling girl?", she asked with a soft voice.

Sybil hadn't heard the knock and almost jumped out of the bed at the housekeeper's question. She calmed after a moment and looked at her with red teary eyes. "Oh, Mrs. Carson.", she hugged the older woman and started crying again.

With some movements Elsie was sitting on the bed holding tightly against her chest at Sybil. She was rubbing soothing circles on her back. "It's alright. Let it all out, my girl. Let it all out.", she said as she was rocking her trying to calm her. Almost half an hour later Sybil had calmed down and fallen asleep in the housekeeper's arms. She woke up and looked at the older woman. Elsie saw the sadness in the young woman's eyes and caressed her cheek. "Would you like to tell me why you are so sad?", she asked with a soft voice and a smile on her lips.

Sybil looked at her and smiled back. She tried to find a comfortable position to sit because her back was hurting as she was eight months pregnant. She looked at her hands on her lap and saw the older woman's hand taking hold of one of her own. She turned to face her and saw her smiling at her. "I don't know why I feel so sad. The last two weeks my emotions are a big mess. In one moment I may be happy and laughing and in the next moment I am sad and almost crying. In one moment I feel like I could run and in the next moment I feel so tired. And there is something else.", she said and didn't know if she should continue, if she could speak about that. Elsie caressed her cheek and kept holding her hand. Sybil closed her eyes and took a deep breath, then opened them to continue. "Tom doesn't… touch me like before.", new tears made their appearance. "I feel like he doesn't want me anymore because I'm fat and big.", she let her tears fall freely.

Elsie squeezed her hand and smiled. She knew exactly what the young woman was feeling and she laughed. Sybil raised her head and looked at her when she heard her laughing. "Oh, I'm so sorry, Milady.", she said and smiled. "Well, your emotions are a big mess as you say because you're pregnant. I know exactly what you're feeling because I was in the same state when I was pregnant with my Elisabeth. I had a difficult pregnancy but I was in the same state as you are now.", she smiled at the young woman who was more relaxed now. "As for the last part you told me, I might have not experienced it but I know. He does want you because I see it in his eyes when he looks at you. He's still in love with you and that isn't going to change because of the pregnancy. I think that he might be more in love with you than before. He doesn't… touch you because he doesn't want to hurt you. He sees that you have your emotions upside down and doesn't want to do something that will make you angry, upset with him.", she saw her sighing in relief and relaxing more. "If you want to change that, you have to do something to show him that you want him. You have to sit together and talk about that. I'm sure that after your conversation everything will be alright. Are you going to talk with him and sort this out?", she asked her and waited for her answer.

Sybil looked down her lap for a moment and then looked at Elsie who was smiling at her reassuringly. "I promise you that I will talk with him and sort this out.", she said and smiled back. "Thank you so much, Mrs. Carson.", she hugged the older woman and kissed her on the cheek. At that moment the door flew open. Mary, Anna and Elisabeth walked in the room breathless. "What happened?", asked Sybil a little worried.

The three women stood still for a moment to catch their breaths before speaking. Elisabeth was the first one to recover, took a deep breath and looked at her mother. "We were looking everywhere for you, Mum.", she said and showed her the envelope she was holding. "This came about twenty minutes ago. It's from the doctor I think.", she said and looked at her.

Elsie was surprised and stood up immediately. She took the envelope in her hands and stood there staring at it. She was afraid to open it because she didn't know how to react if the news were bad. Suddenly, she felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to see Sybil smiling at her. "We are all here for you. We will be at your side.", she squeezed her hand and sat on the bed because her back was hurting.

Elsie took a deep breath and slowly opened the envelope. She took out the letter and opened it. She took another deep breath and started reading the letter. The other four women were looking her with such angst of what the letter was saying. As she was reading she let the tears to fall freely. She had to read the letter twice to understand what was written and to believe it. She raised her head and looked her daughter with teary eyes. "What it says, Mum?", she asked her as she went to stand in front of her. Elsie didn't respond to her daughter and gave the letter to read it herself. Elisabeth decided to read it loudly.  
_Mrs. Carson,  
It is my pleasure to inform you that the suspicious lump is not cancer, but only a benign growth.  
This benign growth will leave by itself soon, but you will help it disappear by resting and eating properly.  
I will expect in a week to check you.  
Dr. Clarkson.  
_She had to read it silently a second time to believe that what was written it was true. After finishing reading it, she looked at her mother with teary eyes and hugged her. Elsie was feeling so relieved that she wasn't going to die but she was going to live happily the rest of her years with her husband, her daughters – yes, her daughters because Elisabeth may be her biological daughter but Anna was also her daughter and she loved her very much – and her grandchildren. Anna, Sybil and Mary hugged and congratulated her. They gave her their best wishes for her life and they sat all together to talk for a while.

-00-

After talking for almost an hour, Elsie left Sybil's bedroom with her daughters. As they were walking to go downstairs the three women had wide smiles on their faces. Elsie was making a plan to surprise Charles and to give her time to arrange some things. Charles was talking with Robert at the library and she knew that he won't go down for at least half an hour. So she went to his pantry and left on his desk the letter from the doctor along with a note. She arranged some important things that needed her attention. She left Anna and Elisabeth in charge of the housekeeping and went to their bedroom.

Charles finished speaking with Robert and left the library to go to his pantry because he had so much work to do. He was feeling tired but he didn't have any other choice except to do his work. He hadn't seen his wife and thought that she was in her sitting room working. He went to his pantry and closed the door to have some privacy. He was so relieved to sit on the chair and understood how tired he was feeling. He took a few moments to relax and calm down. He was ready to look some papers when he saw the note Elsie had written.  
_My darling Charles,  
read the letter you'll find underneath the note you are reading this moment. Once you have read it, come upstairs to our bedroom. I will be waiting you with a surprise.  
Your darling Elsie._  
Charles was confused with that note. He checked and saw a letter underneath the note that he just read. He was still confused but opened it and started reading. He had to read it two times to believe what was in the letter. He sigh relieved and had a wide smile on his face. He stood up and left his pantry heading upstairs to their bedroom.

He stopped when he reached the door of their room. He took a deep breath to calm down a little and then knocked on the door. He opened it without waiting for an answer and was surprised by what he found waiting him. The room was smelling of lavender and lemon, it was smelling like her, there were some candles and she was standing by the window wearing the blue nightdress, his favorite because it was making her more beautiful than she already was and it matched her beautiful blue eyes. She turned her head to face him and he was looking her with teary eyes. "Elsie? It's true, right? You are going to live.", he said as some tears fall from his eyes. She let the tears of happiness fall from her eyes and rushed to his arms. He was holding her as close as he could, he didn't want to let her because he thought that he was leaving a very nice dream but when he would wake up everything will be as before.

She opened her eyes and looked him in the eyes. Their eyes showed their love for each other, the relief from all these, the desire that was growing by every moment. She kissed him lightly on the lips but he deepened the kiss immediately. The relief, the passion and the desire was now as high as it could go. They broke away breathless a few minutes later. They looked each other. Elsie kissed him once more lightly and caressed his cheek. "Charles?", she looked him and when he nodded she smiled and continued. "Please, make me yours.", she was smiling widely at him and he couldn't refuse that because it was something that he wanted also to do but with their daughter here they couldn't. "Don't worry, love. Our daughters know that we are taking a nap to rest after all these days and they are in charge for our jobs until we go downstairs.", she said and smiled.

As she was talking she was already working on taking off his clothes because he was fully dressed. Within two minutes he was standing in front of her only in his underwear. He looked himself and then at his clothes lying on the floor. He raised his head and looked at her with a smirk on his face. "You have made quiet a progress on taking off my clothes, Mrs. Carson.", he said to her and kissed her with passion. As they were kissing he was heading them towards the large bed. When they reach it she sat on the bed without breaking the kiss or the caresses on their bodies. He broke the kiss and looked at her. "I think that we need to take some clothes off, Mrs. Carson.", he said as he was taking the bottom of her nightdress lifting it slowly up. She raised her upper body a little to help him take it off. With two movements they took off his underwear and her knickers. He took her in his arms and lied her down on the bed.

He was on top of her and looking her. She was more beautiful to him now because she was relaxed and happy about the results. She was going to live and they would spend the rest of their lives together with their family happily. He was planning to ask the family some time off for both of them so they would be able to go to London and spend that time with their daughter, their son-in-law and their grandchildren. He looked the beautiful creature who was lying under him and pushed these thoughts away for the moment. Now the only thing he wanted to do was to please this amazing woman. He kissed her passionately as he was entering her slowly, wanting to take it slowly this time to enjoy this. They stood still for a moment looking at each other with so much love.

Slowly he started moving and she was moving with him. Together they found the perfect rhythm to move. Slowly the movements became quicker and harder. All the while he was kissing her lips, her cheeks, her beautiful neck and caressing her breasts. He slowed a bit his movements, not wanting to reach their climax and find their release yet. She wanted to protest about slowing their rhythm but she didn't care as long they enjoyed that and they were together. His right hand caressed her breast and started going down reaching her center. He had found a sensitive spot there and caressed it a bit. Looking her face he knew that he was giving her that pleasure, that he was doing this to her. His hand went back to her breast as he started moving faster and harder. She was moving with him in their perfect rhythm. She found her release first crying out his name and he enjoyed a moment later crying out her name, but they didn't move. They didn't break away, they stood still for a few moments. He kissed her with passion while caressing her whole body.

A few moments later Charles moved and lied down beside her. He drew her close to him to hold her in his arms. He covered their naked bodies with a blanket and put his arms around her. She was smiling and feeling so happy. She was going to live and they would spend the rest of their lives together with their family. He kissed her on the cheek and a few moments later they were fast asleep in each other arms with big smiles on their faces.

_**Please, please review. I want to know what you think about the chapter.**_


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

_**A/N: Alright! I thought I could write it sooner but I'm very busy these days and it won't stop. Life can be very rough. This is the last chapter! This story comes to an end! I hope you liked my story and I hope you like the end of my story! Sorry for any mistakes but I think I'm getting better every time. M rated Enjoy the chapter!**_

_**Downton Abbey and the characters belong to J. Fellowes. I only own the daughter of Elsie. **_

After enjoying a very good night's sleep, she opened her eyes and looked at the room. It felt so good to know that you had many years to live with your loved ones. She got out of the bed, went to her wardrobe and opened it. Today was a very special day and she wanted to be beautiful for her, her husband and their family. She looked her clothes and chose to wear a dark blue skirt and a beige blouse. She started getting dressed because she needed to do some things first. She looked at her husband who was still sleeping and went to the bathroom. She fixed her hair to a loose braid; she would fix them better later and left the bathroom.

"You are absolutely gorgeous, Elsie.", she was ready to go downstairs when she heard his voice which caused her to lose her balance and almost fell down the stairs. "Elsie!", he caught her immediately and held her close to him while she tried to calm down. "I'm so sorry, love. I didn't want to startle you.", he kissed her forehead while she was taking deep breaths.

After a few minutes she had calmed down and her breathing was normal again. She pulled from his arms and looked at him upset. "Charles Carson, don't you ever do that again.", she said as she turned to go downstairs. "Don't you dare come down until you are washed and dressed.", she shouted from the bottom of the stairs.

Knowing to not disagree with her when she was upset or angry, he went to the bathroom to have a quick shower and a shave. After twenty minutes he went downstairs and stood in the doorway of the kitchen. He stood there watching her finishing their breakfast. He didn't say anything but waited for her to see him and call him in. After a few moments she finally saw him and smiled at him. "You may come in, Mr. Carson. Our breakfast is ready and if we wait it won't be good.", she said and waited for him to approach the table.

They ate their breakfast in silence, just stealing glances to each other once in a while. Finishing first her breakfast, she stood and picked up her plates and cup, then put them in the sink to wash them. She started washing them without knowing how her body was moving making Charles groaning in desire. He stood and picked up his plates and cup, put them in the sink and stood behind her. He put his arms around her waist and started kissing her neck from behind. She didn't say anything but continued washing the plates and enjoying every moment. She had finished the washing when she felt his hand picking up her skirt. She pushed him away and went to the other side of the table. "Charles Carson, you know that we can't do this now.", she said trying to convince him.

"Oh yes, we can. We will be quick about it.", he said and walked towards her to catch her but she managed to avoid his hand and walked backwards out of the kitchen. "Elsie, come on!", he was trying to catch her in his arms but he didn't manage it yet. She started running through the whole house and he was running behind her. She was running and laughing which caused her to not see the pillow on the floor. "Elsie, watch out!", he shouted and managed to catch her before falling on the table and hitting her head. He held her tightly in his arms and kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry, Elsie.", he said while rubbing soothing circles on her back to calm her.

…**..**

They were sitting in silence in their sitting room holding each other when they heard a knock on the door. Elsie stood immediately fixing her clothes and hair. She gave him a smile and went to answer the door. He smiled back and stood to fix his clothes and hair. She opened the door and smiled. "Come in!", she said as she let Anna and John to enter the cottage. John helped Anna to take off her coat and then did the same with his. Elsie smiled at them and hugged her daughter. She put her hands on her baby bump. "How are you feeling, Anna?", she asked the young woman as she caressed her baby bump.

Anna smiled at her mother but the smile wasn't wide. "Not very well, Mrs. Carson.", she said and saw the look on Elsie's face. "Sorry! Mother!", she laughed a little. "I'm feeling tired and my back is aching.", she said as she noticed Charles coming from the sitting room. "Hello, father!", she hugged Charles and her face took a grimace of pain.

Charles saw the grimace on her face and looked at Elsie. "Why don't you go and sit down in the living room? The others will come soon.", he smiled at his daughter. Anna nodded and looked at John who helped her inside the living room. He turned to look at his wife and saw that she was far away. He put a hand on her arm and smiled to her when she turned to look at him. "What's the matter, love?", he asked her with a little concern.

She looked at her daughter sitting, then looked at her husband and smiled. "Nothing. I was just remembering when I was pregnant with Elisabeth.", she said as she heard a knock on the door. "That is our Elisabeth.", she opened the door and smiled when she saw that she was right. "Come in!", she let them get inside and closed the door. Elisabeth hugged her parents and helped her children to take off their coats, then she took off her own. She looked worried at her mother when she heard Christine coughing. Elsie was a little worried about her granddaughter but smiled reassuringly at her daughter. "Why don't you go in the living room? Anna and John are here.", she said and turned to look at Christine who wasn't looking very well. "Christine will come with me in the kitchen to help me with something.", she took hold of the girl's hand and watched as Elisabeth, Charlie and her grandchildren went in the living room. She felt Christine warm and put a hand on her forehead, she discovered that she had a fever. "Charles, please go bring my medication box from the bathroom.", she whispered in her husband's ear without wanting to alarm her daughter. Charles looked her with worry when he saw her nodding towards Christine.

…**..**

It was Elsie's 62nd birthday and they had gathered to celebrate the whole family together. After cutting the cake and eating a slice each, Elsie took her granddaughter to her bedroom. She put her to sleep on her bed and sang to her until she was sure she was sleeping. She placed a kiss on her forehead, covered her with a blanket and went downstairs. She stood for a while in the door way watching her family. Elisabeth and Anna were talking together like two real sisters. Charles was talking with his sons-in-law. Beth, Charlie and William were talking and laughing. She was so happy with her big family. She was married to a wonderful man, she had two daughters because Anna was her daughter despite not sharing the same blood, two sons who were like the sons she never had with Charles and four grandchildren… no, soon to be five.

Beth noticed her grandmother standing in the doorway watching them and smiling. She stood and walked towards her, then put a hand on her arm. She smiled when Elsie turned to look at her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Grandma, I would to speak with you.", she said seriously and they went to the kitchen.

Elsie was a little worried about what Beth wanted to talk with her. They sat in silence for a few moments. "What's the matter, Beth?",it was Elsie who broke the silence with the question as she caressed her cheek.

Beth looked their hands on her lap and then at her grandmother. She took a deep breath. "One year ago we went to a ball and…", she looked back at their hands. "I met someone there.", she finally said. When she raised her head to look at Elsie, she saw her smiling. She took that as a sign to continue. "We met again eight months ago and we are walking out together for six months now.", she took a deep breath. "He asked me to marry him.", she finally said what it was bothering her.

Elsie finally understood why her granddaughter was nervous from the moment she walked in the house. She lifted her head with her hand and caressed her cheek. "If I were you, I would be happy for that.", she smiled at the young woman. "What's the matter, Beth? You don't want to marry him?", she asked her worried about her.

Beth finally let her tears fall free and threw herself in her grandmother's arms. Elsie was a little surprised by this reaction but held her tightly rubbing soothing circles on her back. After a while she had calmed down and she raised her head to look at her grandmother. "I'm afraid, Grandma.", she took a deep breath. "I've seen how much Mum and papa love each other, how much you and grandpa love each other. I want the same for me but I'm afraid that I won't be a good wife for him.", she let new tears to fall and buried her face in her hands.

Elsie couldn't stand watching her granddaughter in this state. She took her in her arms to calm her. After a few minutes she had managed to calm her and raised her head. She wiped her eyes and caressed her cheek. "My lovely girl!", she smiled at the young woman. "Every woman is afraid that she won't be a good wife. I was afraid that I wouldn't be a good wife for your grandfather but we made mistakes. Your mother was afraid that she wouldn't be a good wife for your father but it turned out that she is a very good wife and mother.", she took hold of her hands and looked her in the eyes. "If there is love and honesty between the two of you, if you work together as a team then you don't have to be afraid, my darling.", she caressed her cheek and smiled. "He is the one who should be afraid because if he hurts you, I'm sure that your father and grandfather will kill him. I want to meet this young man before you make the final decision.", she said and hugged her granddaughter.

"What are you doing in hear the two of you?", the two women almost jumped when they heard Elisabeth's voice. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to startle you but my mother and my daughter have been here for almost an hour.", she looked at them with a serious face.

Elsie and Beth looked for a moment at Elisabeth and then started to laugh loudly. Elsie stood, hugged Beth and kissed her on the cheek. She looked at her daughter. "Nothing to worry you about, Elisabeth. Just talking about some recipes.", she said as she looked at her granddaughter who nodded in agreement. "Let's go inside.", the three of them left the kitchen and went to join the others.

**-00-**

Beth was standing in front of her grandmother's full length mirror admiring herself and her dress. "Oh my God! I can't believe it!", she said as she was looking herself in the mirror.

"What you can't believe, lass?", asked Elisabeth as she entered the bedroom with a wide smile on her face. She stood behind her daughter and looked in the mirror. "You are wonderful, my girl.", she kissed her daughter's cheek while trying to hold back the tears.

Beth took a moment to look at her and her mother in the mirror. She tried to hold back her tears but she couldn't. "I can't believe that I'm going to get married in less than an hour with a man that I love so much, Mum.", she said as the tears were falling. "Also, I can't believe that I'm wearing this dress. You and grandma did a great job with this dress, Mum", she said and turned to hug her mother.

They broke apart and Elisabeth took two steps behind to look at her beautiful daughter. She looked her with teary eyes and smiled. "Well, you told us what you like and we put all our energy to create a dress that you would happy with. I hope you like it, Beth.", she wiped some tears from her eyes.

Beth turned to look at herself in the mirror. "Oh, Mum! I like it very much! It's even better than what I've imagined. Thank you!", she said and both women wiped their eyes. "Where is grandma?", she asked her mother as she turned to face her. "I want to speak with her. Can you send her upstairs?", she wanted to have a moment with her grandmother.

Elisabeth stood still for a moment thinking. "She went to speak with your man.", she rolled her eyes in the same way Elsie always does. "You are very lucky to have found someone to love you like Richard loves you, otherwise your father and grandparents would have shoed him away.", she said and both women laughed with this statement. "I'll go find her and send her upstairs.", she kissed her daughter's cheek and left the room.

…**..**

Richard was downstairs outside the cottage ready to live with Charles for the church when Elsie came outside. "Richard, wait. I would like a word with you before you go to the church.", she said waiting for him to come closer to her.

Richard was a little surprised but decided to go. "Of course, Mrs. Carson.", he said as he stood in front of her. He knew what she wanted to tell him but he wanted to hear it. He loved her as his grandmother and was glad that his Beth had such caring parents and grandparents.

Elsie took him by the arm and walked a little as not to hear them. She took a deep breath. "I imagine that you already know what I want to tell you but I want to say it one last time.", she looked him in the eyes and took hold of his hand. "Richard, my granddaughter is a very lucky young woman to have found a young man like you to get married and have her own family. If you ever hurt her I will kill you and I'm not joking.", she said as seriously as she could. "Now, you can go to the church with my husband.", she squeezed his hand. "And from now on you can call me grandmother.", she smiled at him and hugged him.

Charles gave her a soft kiss and left with Richard for the church. Elsie was watching the car moving towards the church when she saw her daughter. "Mum, Beth wants to see you. She is waiting for you in your bedroom.", she smiled at her mother and kissed her cheek. Elsie nodded and went upstairs.

Beth was standing in front of the mirror watching herself and admiring her dress when her grandmother showed up behind her. She smiled at her. "Grandma!", she said as she turned and hugged her. "I wanted to thank you for creating this dress for this special day and for everything you've done for me.", she let her tears fall and watched how her grandmother started crying.

Elsie caressed her granddaughter's cheek and wiped her tears with her thumb. "It's my pleasure, lass.", she smiled at the beautiful young woman who was standing in front of her. "You are going to be a very good wife and mother, Beth. Your mother taught you very well and I'm very proud of her and of you. You are going to get married with a fine young man who loves you very much and you will have your own family. You know that your mother and I will be by your side whenever you need us.", the two women were crying. Elsie was the first one to collect herself. "Now, enough with the tears. Let's go downstairs. Your parents are waiting us to leave for the church.", she hugged her granddaughter and together they went downstairs.

**-00-**

It was the 64th birthday of Elsie. She had invited her family at the big cottage to spend the day together. She had finished the cooking when she heard a knock on the door. When she opened the door, her arms were filled with an almost two years old girl. "Elaine, my little girl.", she said as she picked up her granddaughter. "Come in!", she said as let Anna and John to enter. John helped Anna out of her coat first and then took off his own. "How are you feeling, Anna?", she asked her daughter.

Anna was six months pregnant with her second child. She smiled at her mother while she took off her daughter's coat. "A little tired and my back I aching but I feel fine. I think this pregnancy is easier than when I was pregnant with Elaine.", she smiled as she looked at her daughter who was playing with her grandmother's necklace.

"John! Anna!", Charles called as he came downstairs. He hugged his daughter and gave her a kiss on the cheek before turning his attention to his granddaughter. Elaine smiled when she saw her grandfather and leaned to his arms. "I'll take her and we can go inside the living room while Elsie is finishing the last details. The others will be here soon.", he kissed Elsie and then went inside the living room.

Elsie smiled and went back to the kitchen. As she finished placing the plates on the table she heard a knock on the door. She was expecting to see her daughter with her family but when she opened the door she saw her grandson. "Are we late, grandmother?", he asked Elsie as he hugged her and kissed her on the cheek.

"No, Richard. John, Anna and Elaine arrived a few minutes ago.", she smiled at him. "Where is Beth?", she asked him a little worried. That moment Beth appeared holding in her arms her six months baby boy and smiled. "Come in!", she let them enter in the house and closed the door.

Richard helped his wife out of her coat, then took off his own and placed them on the chair next to the door. The baby hadn't stopped to fuss and Beth put it carefully in her grandmother's arms. After a few moments he calmed down and looked with wide eyes at Elsie. "Well, it seems that little Charlie loves to be in his grandmother's arms.", Beth said and smiled at her grandmother.

Elsie laughed at her granddaughter's statement and placed a kiss on the baby's forehead. "Why don't you let this little one to me and you go in the living room with the others. Your parents, your brothers and your sister will be here soon.", she smiled at them and watched them going inside with the others.

…**..**

After an hour the whole family was together in the living room. Elsie was sitting in an armchair holding little Charlie when Charles came inside holding the birthday cake. Charles placed the cake on the small table in the middle of the room and lit the candles. Elsie stood up and kneeled down in front of the table still holding the baby. She made a wish and blew out the candles. John helped her stand and sit back down in the armchair. Charles and Elisabeth cut the cake and gave a slice to each.

Charles came inside smiling widely and looked at his family. "Well, as it has a very nice day outside I think that it you would be wonderful if we go outside to eat. I have organize everything.", he said and saw everyone nodding. He put Elsie to sit on the head of the table and he sat next to her on the right.

It was the perfect day for a perfect family. As she was eating she was watching her family. She had a wonderful big family and she was finally the happiest woman in the world. Slowly her family would grow and grow, which made her smile widely. After finishing with their lunch everyone helped to clean up, then sat outside to enjoy the nice day. Charles saw that it was the perfect moment. He stood and helped her stand. They stood still watching their family. Their daughters were talking with their husbands. Their grandchildren were all together talking, playing and laughing. "Let's go for a quick walk, love.", he said and started walking still holding her hand.

After a few minutes he stopped and turned to face her. He took out from his pocket a small box and handed it to her. She was surprised when she opened it and found a wonderful necklace inside. It was a heart and on it, it was engraved the letter C and E. Charles helped her to wear it around her neck and then kissed her with passion. "It is wonderful, Charles.", she said as she smiled widely.

He took her hands in his own and looked her in the eyes. "Elsie, we made mistakes in the past that kept us apart causing us so much hurt. I was so worried that I was going to lose you when Beryl and Anna told me about your health problem. I'm so happy that you are alive, Elsie, and we have many years to live with our family.", he wiped with his thumb the tears that were falling from her eyes. He looked at their family who was so happy and then looked at her. "I don't know if any of us would have stayed alive if we had lost you.", he looked her in the eyes. "We just can't live without you."

He leaned down and kissed her with passion as he put his arms around her waist. She put her arms around his neck to steady herself and to drew him closer to her. A few moments later they broke apart breathless and smiling. He took her hand and started walking back to the house to join their family. It was going to be a very happy life for the Carson family.

**THE END**

_**I hope you liked my story. Soon I will update the final chapter of my story "Love is so strong". After that I will be back after a break with a new story I'm working on, maybe two stories. We'll see. **_

_**Please, please review to tell me what you think of the end of this story. **_


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